CULTURE IMPLIES ALL THAT WHICH  GIVES THE MIND POSSESSION OF    ITS POWERS; AS LANGUAGES TO     THE CRITIC, TELESCOPE TO THE    ASTRONOMER.                     _RALPH WALDO EMERSON            EVEN WHEN OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS,   A PERSON HAS TO GET OFF HIS     REAR END AND ANSWER THE DOOR.   _ANN LANDERS                                                                                    IT TAKES YOUR ENEMY AND YOUR    FRIEND, WORKING TOGETHER, TO    HURT YOU TO THE HEART; THE ONE  TO SLANDER YOU AND THE OTHER    TO GET THE NEWS TO YOU.         _MARK TWAIN                     THERE AREN'T TOO MANY ORIGINAL  AMERICAN ART FORMS - OTHER THAN THE WESTERN AND JAZZ OR BLUES.  _CLINT EASTWOOD                                                                                 BEVERLY HILLS IS VERY           EXCLUSIVE. FOR INSTANCE, THEIR  FIRE DEPARTMENT WON'T MAKE HOUSECALLS.                          _WOODY ALLEN                                                    WE MADE NO PROGRESS AT ALL ...  AND WE DIDN'T INTEND TO. THAT'S THE FUNCTION OF A NATIONAL      COMMITTEE.                      _RONALD REAGAN                                                  ANYONE CAN BE ELECTED ONCE BY   ACCIDENT. BEGINNING WITH THE    SECOND TERM, IT'S WORTH PAYING  ATTENTION.                      _SAM RAYBURN                                                    A LOT OF CONGRESSMEN AND        SENATORS LIKE TO DRAW THEIR     BREATH AND THEIR SALARIES AND   NOT DO MUCH ELSE.               _SAM ERVIN                                                      THE AVERAGE MAN HAS SIXTY-      NINE POUNDS OF MUSCLES, FORTY-  ONE POUNDS OF BONES, AND THREE  POUNDS OF BRAINS - WHICH SEEMS  TO EXPLAIN A LOT OF THINGS.     _I. B. FUNNY                    HOW CAN ANYONE GOVERN A NATION  THAT HAS TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY- SIX DIFFERENT KINDS OF CHEESE?  _CHARLES DE GAULLE                                                                              I DON'T KNOW WHAT SORT OF       PRESIDENT HE'D MAKE. HE TALKS   AND TALKS AND TALKS. HE'D MAKE  A HELLUVA WIFE.                 _GROUCHO MARX, ON HUBERT        HUMPHREY                        BEING IN POLITICS IS LIKE       BEING A FOOTBALL COACH. YOU     HAVE TO BE SMART ENOUGH TO      UNDERSTAND THE GAME AND DUMB    ENOUGH TO THINK IT'S            IMPORTANT. _EUGENE MCCARTHY     I WOULD NOT BE TRUTHFUL IF I    SAID I WAS FULLY QUALIFIED FOR  THE OFFICE. I DO NOT PLAY THE   PIANO, I SELDOM PLAY GOLF, AND  I NEVER PLAY TOUCH FOOTBALL.    _GOLDWATER, ON THE PRESIDENCY   IT'S A GREAT COUNTRY, WHERE     ANYBODY CAN GROW UP TO BE       PRESIDENT ... EXCEPT ME.        _BARRY GOLDWATER                                                                                NEVER GIVE UP AND NEVER GIVE    IN.                             _HUBERT HUMPHREY                                                                                                                AN OPTIMIST SEES AN             OPPORTUNITY IN EVERY CALAMITY;  A PESSIMIST SEES A CALAMITY IN  EVERY OPPORTUNITY.              _WINSTON CHURCHILL                                              WHEN ONE HUNDRED SENATORS TALK  FOR THIRTY-SEVEN HOURS, ENOUGH  NATURAL GAS IS PRODUCED.        _HENRY KISSINGER, ON THE        ENERGY FILIBUSTER                                               SOMETIMES I THINK THIS COUNTRY  WOULD BE BETTER OFF IF WE COULD JUST SAW OFF THE EASTERN        SEABOARD AND LET IT FLOAT OUT   TO SEA.                         _BARRY GOLDWATER                A DIPLOMATIST IS A MAN WHO      ALWAYS REMEMBERS A WOMAN'S      BIRTHDAY, BUT NEVER REMEMBERS   HER AGE.                        _ROBERT FROST                                                   EGGHEADS OF THE WORLD UNITE;    YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT    YOUR YOLKS.                     _ADLAI STEVENSON                                                                                I HAVE NO TIME TO PREPARE A     PROFOUND MESSAGE.               _SPIRO T. AGNEW                 INFORMATION IS THE CURRENCY OF  DEMOCRACY.                      _RALPH NADER                    MONEY IS THE MOTHER'S MILK OF   POLITICS.                       _JESSE UNRUH                    POLITICS IS WAR WITHOUT         VIOLENCE.                       _STOKELY CARMICHAEL             WHEN A MAN POINTS A FINGER AT   SOMEONE ELSE, HE SHOULD         REMEMBER THAT FOUR OF HIS       FINGERS ARE POINTING AT         HIMSELF.                        _LOUIS NIZER                    THE ACME OF JUDICIAL            DISTINCTION MEANS THE ABILITY   TO LOOK A LAWYER STRAIGHT IN    THE EYES FOR TWO HOURS AND NOT  HEAR A DAMNED WORD HE SAYS.     _CHIEF JUSTICE JOHN MARSHALL    THE DANGER OF THE PAST WAS      THAT MEN BECAME SLAVES. THE     DANGER OF THE FUTURE IS THAT    MEN MAY BECOME ROBOTS.          _ERIC FROMM                                                     TO HAVE ARRIVED ON THIS EARTH   AS THE PRODUCT OF A BIOLOGICAL  ACCIDENT, ONLY TO DEPART THROUGHHUMAN ARROGANCE, WOULD BE THE   ULTIMATE IRONY.                 _RICHARD LEAKEY                 WE MUST HAVE RESPECT FOR BOTH   OUR PLUMBERS AND OUR            PHILOSOPHERS OR NEITHER OUR     PIPES OR OUR THEORIES WILL HOLD WATER.                          _JOHN W. GARDNER                I DO BENEFITS FOR ALL           RELIGIONS; 'D HATE TO BLOW THE  HEREAFTER ON A TECHNICALITY.    _BOB HOPE                                                                                       THE LION AND THE CALF SHALL LIE DOWN TOGETHER BUT THE CALF WON'TGET MUCH SLEEP.                 _WOODY ALLEN                                                                                    GOD MAY HELP THOSE WHO HELP     THEMSELVES, BUT THE COURTS ARE  ROUGH AS HELL ON SHOPLIFTERS.   _LEO ROSTEN                                                                                     WHEN A MAN IS DROWNING, IT MAY  BE BETTER FOR HIM TO TRY TO SWIMTHAN TO THRASH AROUND WAITING   FOR DIVINE INTERVENTION.        _REV. WILLIAM SLOANE COFFIN                                     A REAL CHRISTIAN IS A PERSON    WHO CAN GIVE HIS PET PARROT TO  THE TOWN GOSSIP.                _REVEREND BILLY GRAHAM                                                                          WASHINGTON APPEARS TO BE FILLED WITH TWO KINDS OF POLITICIANS - THOSE TRYING TO GET AN          INVESTIGATION STARTED, AND      THOSE TRYING TO GET ONE STOPPED._EARL WILSON                    SOMETIMES IT IS SAID THAT A     MAN CANNOT BE TRUSTED WITH THE  GOVERNMENT OF HIMSELF. CAN HE,  THEN, BE TRUSTED WITH THE       GOVERNMENT OF OTHERS?           _WALTER CRONKITE                THE WORLD IS, FOR THE MOST      PART, A COLLECTIVE MADHOUSE,    AND PRACTICALLY EVERYONE,       HOWEVER "NORMAL" HIS FACADE,    IS FAKING SANITY.               _JOHN ASTIN                     IN CALIFORNIA EVERYONE GOES TO  A THERAPIST, IS A THERAPIST, OR IS A THERAPIST GOING TO A       THERAPIST.                      _TRUMAN CAPOTE                                                  THERE'S NO DEODORANT LIKE       SUCCESS.                        _ELIZABETH TAYLOR               IF YOU STAY IN BEVERLY HILLS    TOO LONG YOU BECOME A MERCEDES. _ROBERT REDFORD                 BEVERLY HILLS IS VERY           EXCLUSIVE. FOR INSTANCE, THEIR  FIRE DEPARTMENT WON'T MAKE      HOUSE CALLS.                    _MORT SAHL                                                      IN HOLLYWOOD SUCCESS IS         RELATIVE. THE CLOSER THE        RELATIVE, THE GREATER THE       SUCCESS.                        _ARTHUR TREACHER                                                DISNEY, OF COURSE, HAS THE BEST CASTING. IF HE DOESN'T LIKE AN  ACTOR, HE JUST TEARS HIM UP.    _ALFRED HITCHCOCK                                                                               IF SOMEONE IS DUMB ENOUGH TO    OFFER ME A MILLION DOLLARS TO   MAKE A PICTURE - I AM CERTAINLY NOT DUMB ENOUGH TO TURN IT DOWN._ELIZABETH TAYLOR                                               BOREDOM IS THE MIDWIFE OF       CREATIVITY. _TALIA SHIRE        LAUGHTER IS THE VASELINE THAT   MAKES THE IDEAS PENETRATE       BETTER. _LINA WERTMULLER                                        WHEN CHOOSING BETWEEN TWO       EVILS, I ALWAYS LIKE TO TAKE    THE ONE I'VE NEVER TRIED        BEFORE.                         _MAE WEST                                                       I DON'T SAY WE ALL OUGHT BO     MISBEHAVE, BUT WE OUGHT TO      LOOK AS IF WE COULD.            _ORSON WELLES                                                                                   HOLLYWOOD'S A PLACE WHERE       THEY'LL PAY YOU A THOUSAND      DOLLARS FOR A KISS AND FIFTY    CENTS FOR YOUR SOUL.            _MARILYN MONROE                                                 LIFE EXPERIENCES BECOME ACTING  EXPERIENCES, WHICH IN TURN      BECOME LIFE EXPERIENCES.        _LIV ULLMAN                                                                                     MY MOVIES WERE THE KIND THEY    SHOW IN PRISONS AND AIRPLANES,  BECAUSE NOBODY CAN LEAVE.       _BURT REYNOLDS                                                                                  IF YOU WANT TO DO A THING       BADLY, YOU HAVE TO WORK AS HARD AT IT AS THOUGH YOU WANTED TO   DO IT WELL.                     _PETER USTINOV                                                  THERE ARE NO SMALL PARTS. ONLY  SMALL ACTORS. _GINGER ROGERS    AMATEURS HOPE. PROFESSIONALS    WORK. _GARSON KANIN             LIFE IS A MOVIE. DEATH IS A     PHOTOGRAPH. _SUSAN SONTAG       I ARRIVED IN HOLLYWOOD WITHOUT  HAVING MY NOSE FIXED, MY TEETH  CAPPED, OR MY NAME CHANGED.     THAT IS VERY GRATIFYING TO ME.  _BARBARA STREISAND                                              WE USED TO HAVE ACTRESSES       TRYING TO BECOME STARS; NOW WE  HAVE STARS TRYING TO BECOME     ACTRESSES.                      _LAURENCE OLIVIER                                               NEW YORK IS THE ONLY CITY IN    THE WORLD WHERE YOU CAN GET     DELIBERATELY RUN DOWN ON THE    SIDEWALK BY A PEDESTRIAN.       _RUSSELL BAKER                                                  BIOLOGICAL SCIENCES WILL IN THE END TAKE THE LEAD, FOR WITHOUT  LIFE, THERE IS NO SCIENCE.      _JACQUES COUSTEAU                                                                               I AM NOT A GLUTTON - I AM AN    EXPLORER OF FOOD.               _ERMA BOMBECK                   THERE ARE AN AWFUL LOT OF SKINNYPEOPLE IN THE CEMETERY.         _BEVERLY SILLS                  YOU KNOW YOU'VE REACHED MIDDLE  AGE WHEN YOUR WEIGHTLIFTING     CONSISTS MERELY OF STANDING UP. _BOB HOPE                                                                                       THE PERILS OF DUCK HUNTING ARE  GREAT, ESPECIALLY FOR THE DUCK. _WALTER CRONKITE                MEN OF THE FUTURE - PERHAPS VERYSOON - CAN LIVE AS FISHES!      _JACQUES COUSTEAU               PROGRESS MIGHT HAVE BEEN ALL    RIGHT ONCE, BUT IT'S GONE ON    TOO LONG.                       _OGDEN NASH                                                                                     THE ORDINARY AFFAIRS OF MEN     PROCEED IF THEY DO NOT ALWAYS   PROGRESS.                       _ERIC SEVAREID                                                                                  IT SHOULD BE POSSIBLE TO        EXPLAIN THE LAWS OF PHYSICS TO  A BARMAID.                      _ALBERT EINSTEIN                                                                                MAN HAS LOST THE CAPACITY TO    FORESEE AND TO FORESTALL. HE    WILL END BY DESTROYING THE      EARTH.                          _ALBERT SCHWEITZER                                              THE ENTIRE MOVEMENT TO ACQUIRE  ANTIQUES WAS BORN OUT OF SHEER  RESPECT FOR THINGS THAT LASTED  LONGER THAN FIFTEEN MINUTES.    _ERMA BOMBECK                                                   THE REALLY FRIGHTENING THING    ABOUT MIDDLE AGE IS THE         KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU'LL OUTGROW   IT.                             _DORIS DAY                                                      I MUST BE GETTING ABSENT-       INDED. WHENEVER I COMPLAIN THAT THINGS AREN'T WHAT THEY USED TO BE, I ALWAYS FORGET TO INCLUDE  MYSELF.                         _GEORGE BURNS                   YOU KNOW YOU ARE GETTING OLD    WHEN THE CANDLES COST MORE THAN THE CAKE.                       _BOB HOPE                                                                                       OLD AGE ISN'T SO BAD WHEN YOU   CONSIDER THE ALTERNATIVE.       _MAURICE CHEVALIER                                                                                                              I MUST SAY I FIND TELEVISION    VERY EDUCATIONAL. THE MINUTE    SOMEBODY TURNS IT ON, I GO INTO THE LIBRARY AND READ A GOOD     BOOK.                           _GROUCHO MARX                   IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED,  TRY, TRY AGAIN. THEN QUIT. NO   USE BEING A DAMN FOOL ABOUT IT. _W. C. FIELDS                                                                                   MARIJUANA IS LIKE COORS BEER.   IF YOU COULD BUY THE DAMN STUFF AT A GEORGIA FILLING STATION,   YOU'D DECIDE YOU WOULDN'T WANT  IT.                             _BILLY CARTER                   I'VE DEVELOPED A NEW PHILOSOPHY ... I ONLY DREAD ONE DAY AT A   TIME.                           _CHARLIE BROWN                  SANITY IS A MATTER OF DEGREE.   _ALDOUS HUXLEY                  FACTS DO NOT CEASE TO EXIST     BECAUSE THEY ARE IGNORED.       _ALDOUS HUXLEY                                                                                                                  ANYBODY WHO GOES TO SEE A       PSYCHIATRIST OUGHT TO HAVE HIS  HEAD EXAMINED.                  _SAMUEL GOLDWYN                                                                                 DO NOT MISTAKE A CHILD FOR HIS  SYMPTOM.                        _ERIK ERIKSON                   ANXIOUS MOTHERS MAKE UNSURE     KIDS.                           _BRUNO BETTELHEIM               THERE ARE FOUR THINGS THAT ARE  OVERRATED IN THIS COUNTRY: HOT  CHICKEN SOUP, SEX, THE FBI, AND PARKING YOUR CAR IN YOUR GARAGE._ERMA BOMBECK.                                                  FOR THE PARENT OF A LITTLE      LEAGUER, A BASEBALL GAME IS     SIMPLY A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN      DIVIDED INTO INNINGS.           _EARL WILSON                                                    THE WAY TO CATCH A KNUCKLEBALL  IS TO WAIT UNTIL THE BALL STOPS ROLLING AND THEN PICK IT UP.    _BOB UECKER, BROADCASTER                                                                        WHY IS IT THERE ARE SO MANY     MORE HORSES' ASSES THAN THERE   ARE HORSES?                     _G. GORDON LIDDY                                                                                ONCE THE TOOTHPASTE IS OUT OF   THE TUBE, IT'S HARD TO GET IT   BACK IN!                        _H. R. HALDEMAN                                                                                 ANY TIME FRIENDS HAVE TO BE     CAREFUL OF WHAT THEY SAY TO     FRIENDS, FRIENDSHIP IS TAKING   ON ANOTHER DIMENSION.           _DUKE ELLINGTON                                                 O, WHAT A TANGLED WEB WE WEAVE, WHEN FIRST WE PRACTICE TO       DECEIVE.                        _SAM ERVIN, DURING THE          WATERGATE HEARINGS.                                             ADOLESCENCE IS THAT PERIOD IN A KID'S LIFE WHEN HIS OR HER      PARENTS BECOME MORE DIFFICULT.  _RYAN O'NEAL                                                                                    EVEN THE BIBLE SAID THAT THE    YOUNG WOULD BE WEAKER BUT WISER._LITTLE RICHARD.                                                                                                                CHILDHOOD IS WHERE              "COMPETITION" IS A BASEBALL     GAME AND "RESPONSIBILITY" IS A  PAPER ROUTE.                    _ERMA BOMBECK                                                   PARENTS ARE THE BONES ON WHICH  CHILDREN CUT THEIR TEETH.       _PETER USTINOV                                                                                                                  KIDS ARE WONDERFUL, BUT I LIKE  MINE BARBECUED. _BOB HOPE       INTEREST YOUR KIDS IN BOWLING.  GET THEM OFF THE STREETS AND    INTO THE ALLEYS. _DON RICKLES                                   MY MOTHER LOVED CHILDREN - SHE  WOULD HAVE GIVEN ANYTHING IF I  HAD BEEN ONE.                   _GROUCHO MARX                                                                                   YOU CAN MAKE MORE FRIENDS IN    TWO MONTHS BY BECOMING          INTERESTED IN OTHER PEOPLE THAN YOU CAN IN TWO YEARS BY TRYING  TO GET OTHER PEOPLE INTERESTED  IN YOU. _DALE CARNEGIE          WHEN I WAS KIDNAPPED MY PARENTS SNAPPED INTO ACTION; THEY RENTEDOUT MY ROOM.                    _WOODY ALLEN                                                                                    A HIPPIE WEARS HIS HAIR LONG    LIKE TARZAN, WALKS LIKE JANE,   AND SMELLS LIKE CHEETAH.        _BUSTER CRABBE                                                                                  IF A GUY WANTS TO WEAR HIS HAIR DOWN TO HIS ASS, I'M NOT        REVOLTED BY IT. BUT I DON'T LOOKAT HIM AND SAY, "NOW THERE'S A  FELLAI'D LIKE TO SPEND NEXT     WINTER WITH." _JOHN WAYNE       WE ALL LEARN BY EXPERIENCE BUT  SOME OF US HAVE TO GO TO SUMMER SCHOOL. _PETER DE VRIES         LET THE LEARNER DIRECT HIS OWN  LEARNING. _JOHN HOLT                                            MIDDLE AGE IS WHEN YOUR AGE     STARTS TO SHOW AROUND YOUR      MIDDLE.                         _BOB HOPE                                                                                       THE THREE AGES OF MAN: YOUTH,   MIDDLE AGE, AND "YOU'RE LOOKING WONDERFUL!"                     _FRANCIS CARDINAL SPELLMAN                                                                      IT WAS EITHER ISAAC NEWTON OR   MAYBE IT WAS WAYNE NEWTON WHO   ONCE SAID, "A SEPTIC TANK DOES  NOT LAST FOREVER." HE WAS RIGHT._ERMA BOMBECK                                                   THE FASTEST WAY TO SUCCEED IS   TO LOOK AS IF YOU'RE PLAYING BY OTHER PEOPLE'S RULES, WHILE     QUIETLY PLAYING BY YOUR OWN.    _MICHAEL KORDA                                                  IF YOU BUNGLE RAISING YOUR      CHILDREN, I DON'T THINK         WHATEVERELSE YOU DO MATTERS     VERY MUCH.                      _JACQUELINE KENNEDY                                             THE BRAIN IS A WONDERFUL ORGAN; IT STARTS WORKING THE MOMENT YOUGET UP IN THE MORNING AND DOES  NOT STOP UNTIL YOU GET INTO THE OFFICE.                         _ROBERT FROST                   A LOT OF WOMEN HAVE BEEN THE    MOTHER OF ONE PRESIDENT, BUT    THERE NEVER HAS BEEN THE MOTHER OF TWO OR THREE PRESIDENTS.     _ROSE KENNEDY                                                   LET US NEVER NEGOTIATE OUT OF   FEAR, BUT LET US NEVER FEAR TO  NEGOTIATE.                      _JOHN F. KENNEDY                                                                                I'VE ALWAYS BEEN WORRIED ABOUT  PEOPLE WHO ARE WILLING TO WORK  FOR NOTHING. SOMETIMES THAT'S   ALL YOU GET FROM THEM, NOTHING. _SAM ERVIN                                                      YESTERDAY I WAS A DOG. TODAY    I'M A DOG. TOMORROW I'LL        PROBABLY STILL BE A DOG. SIGH.  THERE'S SO LITTLE HOPE FOR      ADVANCEMENT.                    _SNOOPY                         BY WORKING FAITHFULLY EIGHT     HOURS A DAY, YOU MAY EVENTUALLY GET TO BE A BOSS AND WORK TWELVEHOURS A DAY.                    _ROBERT FROST                                                   WE DON'T WANT ANY LOSERS        AROUND. IN THIS FAMILY WE WANT  WINNERS.                        _JOSEPH P. KENNEDY                                                                              MY BROTHER BOB DOESN'T WANT TO  BE IN GOVERNMENT - HE PROMISED  DAD HE'D GO STRAIGHT.           _JOHN F. KENNEDY                                                                                ONE FIFTH OF THE PEOPLE ARE     AGAINST EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME._ROBERT F. KENNEDY                                                                                                              I UNDERSTAND JACQUELINE KENNEDY HAS REDONE THE WHITE HOUSE IN   EIGHTEENTH-CENTURY STYLE. WHY,  THEN, I'D FIT IN PERFECTLY.     _BARRY GOLDWATER                                                IF THERE WERE ANYTHING I COULD  TAKE BACK TO FRANCE WITH ME, IT WOULD BE MRS. KENNEDY.          _CHARLES DE GAULLE                                                                              THE ONLY THING WE LEARN FROM    HISTORY IS THAT WE DO NOT LEARN._EARL WARREN                                                                                                                    JERRY FORD IS A NICE GUY, BUT   HE PLAYED TOO MUCH FOOTBALL WITHHIS HELMET OFF.                 _LYNDON BAINES JOHNSON                                                                          IN A HIERARCHY EVERY EMPLOYEE   TENDS TO RISE TO HIS LEVEL OF   INCOMPETENCE.                   _LAURENCE PETERS                                                                                IT'S NOT ENOUGH THAT I SHOULD   SUCCEED - OTHERS SHOULD FAIL.   _DAVID MERRICK                                                                                                                  THERE'S NO REASON TO BE THE     RICHEST MAN IN THE CEMETERY.    YOU CAN'T DO ANY BUSINESS FROM  THERE.                          _COLONEL SANDERS                                                IF YOU CAN COUNT YOUR MONEY,    YOU DON'T HAVE A BILLION        DOLLARS.                        _J. PAUL GETTY                                                                                  TRUTH IS THE GLUE THAT HOLDS    GOVERNMENTS TOGETHER. COMPROMISEIS THE OIL THAT MAKES GOVERNMENTGO.                             _GERALD FORD                                                    FINANCE IS THE ART OF PASSING   CURRENCY FROM HAND TO HAND      UNTIL IT FINALLY DISAPPEARS.    _ROBERT W. SARNOFF                                                                              SO YOU THINK THAT MONEY IS THE  ROOT OF ALL EVIL. HAVE YOU EVER ASKED WHAT IS THE ROOT OF MONEY?_AYN RAND                                                                                       THE MORE MONEY AN AMERICAN      ACCUMULATES, THE LESS           INTERESTING HE BECOMES.         _GORE VIDAL                                                                                     THE RICH ARE DIFFERENT FROM     YOU AND ME BECAUSE THEY HAVE    MORE CREDIT.                    _JOHN LEONARD                                                                                   AN OUNCE OF HYPOCRISY IS WORTH  A POUND OF AMBITION.            _MICHAEL KORDA                                                                                                                  THE COST OF LIVING IS GOING UP  AND THE CHANCE OF LIVING IS     GOING DOWN.                     _FLIP WILSON                                                                                    INFLATION IS ONE FORM OF        TAXATION THAT CAN BE IMPOSED    WITHOUT LEGISLATION.            _MILTON FRIEDMAN                                                                                TRY NOT TO BECOME A MAN OF      SUCCESS BUT RATHER TRY TO       BECOME A MAN OF VALUE.          _ALBERT EINSTEIN                                                                                IF IT KEEPS UP, MAN WILL        ATROPHY ALL HIS LIMBS BUT THE   PUSH-BUTTON FINGER.             _FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT                                                                             TECHNOLOGICAL PROGRESS HAS      MERELY PROVIDED US WITH MORE    EFFICIENT MEANS FOR GOING       BACKWARDS.                      _ALDOUS HUXLEY                                                  WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET.   _FLIP WILSON                    HUMOR IS THE MOST ENGAGING      COWARDICE.                      _ROBERT FROST                                                   FOR FAST-ACTING RELIEF, TRY     SLOWING DOWN.                   _LILY TOMLIN                                                                                                                    I DO NOT FEAR COMPUTERS. I FEAR THE LACK OF THEM.               _ISAAC ASIMOV                                                                                                                   BASIC RESEARCH IS WHAT I AM     DOING WHEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT I  AM DOING.                       _WERNHER VON BRAUN                                                                              CHOICE HAS ALWAYS BEEN A        PRIVILEGE OF THOSE WHO COULD    AFFORD TO PAY FOR IT.           _ELLEN FRANKFORT                                                                                THE WORLD AT LARGE DOES NOT     JUDGE US BY WHO WE ARE AND WHAT WE KNOW; IT JUDGES US BY WHAT   WE HAVE.                        _DR. JOYCE BROTHERS                                             A BANK IS A PLACE WHERE THEY    LEND YOU AN UMBRELLA IN FAIR    WEATHER AND ASK FOR IT BACK     AGAIN WHEN IT BEGINS TO RAIN.   _ROBERT FROST                                                   BENJAMIN FRANKLIN MAY HAVE      DISCOVERED ELECTRICITY - BUT IT WAS THE MAN WHO INVENTED THE    METER WHO MADE THE MONEY.       _EARL WILSON                                                    BANKRUPTCY IS A LEGAL           PROCEEDING IN WHICH YOU PUT YOURMONEY IN YOUR PANTS POCKET AND  GIVE YOUR COAT TO YOUR          CREDITORS.                      _JOEY ADAMS                     IF YOU THINK THE UNITED STATES  HAS STOOD STILL, WHO BUILT THE  LARGEST SHOPPING CENTER IN THE  WORLD?                          _RICHARD NIXON                                                  SUCCESS IN ALMOST ANY FIELD     DEPENDS MORE ON ENERGY AND DRIVETHAN IT DOES ON INTELLIGENCE.   THIS EXPLAINS WHY WE HAVE SO    MANY STUPID LEADERS.            _SLOAN WILSON                   MAKE THREE CORRECT GUESSES      CONSECUTIVELY AND YOU WILL      ESTABLISH A REPUTATION AS AN    EXPERT.                         _LAURENCE PETER                                                 LEADERSHIP APPEARS TO BE THE    ART OF GETTING OTHERS TO WANT TODO SOMETHING YOU ARE CONVINCED  SHOULD BE DONE.                 _VANCE PACKARD                                                  MAN CANNOT LIVE BY INCOMPETENCE ALONE. _LAURENCE PETER          LIFE IS A SERIES OF YELLOW PADS._GEORGE STEVENS                 THE COMPUTER IS A MORON.        _PETER DRUCKER                  TELEVISION HAS PROVED THAT      PEOPLE WILL LOOK AT ANYTHING    RATHER THAN EACH OTHER.         _ANN LANDERS                                                                                    I WAS THE FIRST WOMAN TO BURN   MY BRA - IT TOOK THE FIRE       DEPARTMENT FOUR DAYS TO PUT IT  OUT.                            _DOLLY PARTON                                                   THERE'S A FINE LINE BETWEEN     BEING SWEET AND INNOCENT AND    BEING A TOUGH BROAD.            _PHILLIS GEORGE                                                                                 A SUBURBAN MOTHER'S ROLE IS TO  DELIVER CHILDREN OBSTETRICALLY  ONCE, AND BY CAR FOREVER AFTER. _PETER DE VRIES                                                                                 WHEN MEN REACH THEIR SIXTIES    AND RETIRE, THEY GO TO PIECES.  WOMEN JUST GO RIGHT ON COOKING. _GAIL SHEEHY                                                                                    I NOW BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION. TONIGHT'S MONOLOGUE IS GOING TO COME BACK AS A DOG.             _JOHNNY CARSON                                                                                  EVERYBODY'S MOTHER STILL CARES. _LILLIAN HELLMAN                A WOMAN IS HER MOTHER.          _ANNE SEXTON                    THOUGHTS HAVE NO SEX.           _CLARE BOOTHE LUCE              A GREAT PHILOSOPHER ONCE SAID - I THINK IT WAS HENRY KISSINGER -NOBODY WILL EVER WIN THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES. THERE'S JUST TOO  MUCH FRATERNIZING WITH THE      ENEMY. _ROBERT ORBEN            WOMEN ARE A PROBLEM, BUT IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY GUESSED, THEY'RETHE KIND OF PROBLEM I ENJOY     WRESTLING WITH.                 _WARREN BEATTY                                                  THE ONE FUNCTION THAT TV NEWS   PERFORMS VERY WELL IS THAT WHEN THERE IS NO NEWS WE GIVE IT TO  YOU WITH SAME EMPHASIS AS IF    THERE WERE NEWS.                _DAVID BRINKLEY                 WOMEN WOULD BE THE MOST         ENCHANTING CREATURES ON EARTH   IF, IN FALLING INTO THEIR ARMS, ONE DIDN'T FALL INTO THEIR      HANDS.                          _EDDIE FISHER                   ONE OF THESE DAYS, ALICE, POW - RIGHT IN THE KISSER!            _RALPH KRAMDEN, ON "THE         HONEYMOONERS"                                                                                   IF YOU GOT IT, BABY, FLAUNT IT. _MEL BROOKS                     SEX IS THE CURE-ALL.            _JOE NAMATH                                                                                     FOR A WOMAN TO BE LOVED, SHE    USUALLY OUGHT TO BE NAKED.      _PIERRE CARDIN                                                                                                                  THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO WORK     WHEREVER THEY WANT TO - AS LONG AS THEY HAVE DINNER READY WHEN  YOU GET HOME.                   _JOHN WAYNE, ON THE LIBERATED   WOMAN.                          MY OLD MOVIES HAVE BEEN ON SO   MANY CHANNELS LATELY, I CAN FLIPTHE DIAL AND WATCH THE HAIRLINE RECEDE.                         _BOB HOPE                                                       THE MOST IMPORTANT THING A MAN  CAN KNOW IS THAT, AS HE         APPROACHES HIS OWN DOOR, SOMEONEON THE OTHER SIDE IS LISTENING  FOR THE SOUND OF HIS FOOTSTEPS. _CLARK GABLE                    GIRLS HAVE AN UNFAIR ADVANTAGE  OVER MEN: IF THEY CAN'T GET WHATTHEY WANT BY BEING SMART, THEY  CAN GET IT BY BEING DUMB.       _YUL BRYNNER                                                    WE'RE ON TOP OF THE WORLD. I'LL TELL YOU, YOU CAN'T BELIEVE IT  ... UTTERLY FANTASTIC. THE WORLDIS ROUND.                       _CHARLES (PETE) CONRAD, FROM    GEMINI XI                       I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S       HOLDING UP OUR MISSILE PROGRAM. IT'S THE FIRST TIME THE         GOVERNMENT EVER HAD TROUBLE     MAKING THE TAXPAYER'S MONEY GO  UP IN SMOKE. _BOB HOPE          ANY SUFFICIENTLY ADVANCED       TECHNOLOGY IS INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM MAGIC.                     _ARTHUR C. CLARKE                                                                               A SPIRIT OF NATIONAL MASOCHISM  PREVAILS, ENCOURAGED BY AN      EFFETE CORPS OF IMPUDENT SNOBS  WHO CHARACTERIZE THEMSELVES AS  INTELLECTUALS.                  _SPIRO T. AGNEW                 I AM GOING TO BUILD THE KIND OF NATION THAT PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT HOPED FOR, PRESIDENT TRUMAN     WORKED FOR, AND PRESIDENT       KENNEDY DIED FOR.               _LYNDON BAINES JOHNSON          I'M GOING TO VIETNAM AT THE     REQUEST OF THE WHITE HOUSE.     PRESIDENT JOHNSON SAYS A WAR    ISN'T REALLY A WAR WITHOUT MY   JOKES.                          _BOB HOPE                       MEN ARE ALWAYS READY TO RESPECT ANYTHING THAT BORES THEM.       _MARILYN MONROE                 IF LOVE IS THE ANSWER, COULD YOUREPHRASE THE QUESTION?          _LILY TOMLIN                    EDDIE FISHER MARRIED TO         ELIZABETH TAYLOR IS LIKE ME     TRYING TO WASH THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING WITH A BAR OF SOAP.    _DON RICKLES                                                    I HAVEN'T KNOWN ANY OPEN        MARRIAGES, THOUGH QUITE A FEW   HAVE BEEN AJAR. _BOB HOPE       OPEN MARRIAGE IS NATURE'S WAY OFTELLING YOU YOU NEED A DIVORCE. _MARSHALL BRICKMAN              HAVING TWO BATHROOMS RUINED THE CAPACITY TO COOPERATE.          _MARGARET MEAD                                                                                                                  I AM A MARVELOUS HOUSEKEEPER.   EVERY TIME I LEAVE A MAN, I KEEPHIS HOUSE.                      _ZSA ZSA GABOR                                                                                  A MAN'S HOME IS HIS HASSLE.     _PAUL D. ARNOLD                 YOU TAKE MY WIFE. PLEASE.       _HENRY YOUNGMAN                                                                                 IT ALL COMES DOWN TO WHO DOES   THE DISHES.                     _NORMAN MAILER                                                                                                                  YOU ARE A FOUL BALL IN THE LINE DRIVE OF LIFE.                  _LUCY, TO CHARLIE BROWN                                                                                                         NO MAN IS A HERO TO HIS WIFE'S  PSYCHIATRIST.                   _ERIC BERNE                                                                                                                     THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DIVORCE  AND LEGAL SEPARATION IS THAT A  LEGAL SEPARATION GIVES A HUSBANDTIME TO HIDE HIS MONEY.         _JOHNNY CARSON                                                  I'M TIRED OF ALL THIS NONSENSE  ABOUT BEAUTY BEING ONLY SKIN-   DEEP. THAT'S DEEP ENOUGH. WHAT  DO YOU WANT - AN ADORABLE       PANCREAS?                       _JEAN KERR                      IT'S A GOOD THING THAT BEAUTY   IS SKIN DEEP, OR I'D BE ROTTEN  TO THE CORE.                    _PHYLLIS DILLER                                                                                 THIN PEOPLE ARE BEAUTIFUL BUT   FAT PEOPLE ARE ADORABLE.        _JACKIE GLEASON                                                                                                                 WHILE THE RIGHT TO TALK MAY BE  THE BEGINNING OF FREEDOM, THE   NECESSITY OF LISTENING IS WHAT  MAKES THE RIGHT IMPORTANT.      _WALTER LIPPMANN                                                CENSORSHIP, LIKE CHARITY,       SHOULD BEGIN AT HOME; BUT,      UNLIKE CHARITY, IT SHOULD END   THERE.                          _CLARE BOOTHE LUCE                                              A GOVERNMENT IS THE ONLY KNOWN  VESSEL THAT LEAKS FROM THE TOP. _JAMES RESTON                   SOME NEWSPAPERS ARE FIT ONLY TO LINE THE BOTTOM OF BIRDCAGES.   _SPIRO T. AGNEW                 THE PRESS CONFERENCE IS A       POLITICIAN'S WAY OF BEING       INFORMATIVE WITHOUT ACTUALLY    SAYING ANYTHING.                _EMERY KELEN                                                    DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS.                          _EMLEN TUNNELL, FIRST BLACK     MAN EVER ELECTED TO THE FOOTBALLHALL OF FAME.                                                   IF YOU WATCH A GAME, IT'S FUN.  IF YOU PLAY IT, IT'S RECREATION.IF YOU WORK AT IT, IT'S GOLF.   _BOB HOPE.                                                                                      GOING TO BED WITH A WOMAN NEVER HURT A BALLPLAYER. IT'S STAYING UP ALL NIGHT LOOKING FOR THEM   THAT DOES YOU IN.               _CASEY STENGAL                                                  JOGGING IS VERY BENEFICIAL.     IT'S GOOD FOR YOUR LEGS AND YOURFEET. IT'S ALSO VERY GOOD FOR   THE GROUND. IT MAKES IT FEEL    NEEDED.                         _SNOOPY                         IF YOU DRINK, DON'T DRIVE.      DON'T EVEN PUTT.                _DEAN MARTIN.                                                                                                                   DRINKING IS NOT A SPECTATOR     SPORT.                          _JIM BROSNAN                                                                                                                    THE MARK OF A GOOD POLITICIAN   IS THE ABILITY TO STOP AT TWO   DRINKS.                         _CHARLES COLSON, QUOTING        RICHARD NIXON'S ADAGE                                           WHEN YOU ARE RIGHT YOU CANNOT   BE TOO RADICAL; WHEN YOU ARE    WRONG, YOU CANNOT BE TOO        CONSERVATIVE.                   _DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.                                    A JURY CONSISTS OF TWELVE       PERSONS CHOSEN TO DECIDE WHO HASTHE BETTER LAWYER.              _ROBERT FROST                                                                                   SCREW THE LAW - YOU GET THE GUY OFF ANY WAY YOU CAN.            _WILLIAM KUNSTLER                                                                                                               PUT A BULLET IN A GUY'S HEAD,   AND HE WON'T BOTHER YOU ANY     MORE.                           _ATTORNEY GENERAL WILLIAM       JANKLOW                                                         THERE IS NO POINT IN TAKING     SPECIAL PRECAUTIONS WHEN THOSE  WHO WANT TO KILL ME ARE AS      INCOMPETENT AS THOSE WHO ARE    SUPPOSED TO PROTECT ME.         _CHARLES DE GAULLE              EXTREMISM IN THE DEFENSE OF     LIBERTY IS NO VICE...           MODERATION IN THE PURSUIT OF    JUSTICE IS NO VIRTUE.           _BARRY GOLDWATER                                                IT IS BETTER TO BE LOOKED OVER  THAN OVERLOOKED.                _MAE WEST                       IF I HADN'T HAD THEM, I WOULD   HAVE HAD SOME MADE.             _DOLLY PARTON                   ONE OF THE PARAMOUNT REASONS    FOR STAYING ATTRACTIVE IS SO YOUCAN HAVE SOMEBODY TO GO TO BED  WITH.                           _HELEN GURLEY BROWN                                             I HAVE NEVER CLAIMED TO BE      BETTER OR WISER THAN ANY OTHER  PERSON. I THINK MY GREATEST     STRENGTH IS THAT I AM AN        ORDINARY MAN.                   _JIMMY CARTER                   A BAD BOOK IS AS MUCH A LABOR   TO WRITE AS A GOOD ONE, IT COMESAS SINCERELY FROM THE AUTHOR'S  SOUL.                           _ALDOUS HUXLEY                                                  ASKING A WORKING WRITER WHAT HE THINKS ABOUT CRITICS IS LIKE    ASKING A LAMPOST WHAT IT FEELS  ABOUT DOGS.                     _JOHN OSBORNE                                                   HAVING THE CRITICS PRAISE YOU   IS LIKE HAVING THE HANGMAN SAY  YOU'VE GOT A PRETTY NECK.       _ELI WALLACH                                                                                    ABSTRACT ART: A PRODUCT OF THE  UNTALENTED, SOLD BY THE         UNPRINCIPLED TO THE UTTERLY     BEWILDERED.                     _AL CAPP                                                        IF YOU WANT A PLACE IN THE SUN, YOU'VE GOT TO PUT UP WITH A FEW BLISTERS.                       _ABIGAIL VAN BUREN